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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

College entrance essay

When I walked through with(predicate) my front door, the first thing I noticed was the odor. Then, I heard the groaning. I remember the origin quite vividly, although it was ten years ago. My sister and I had meet returned from the park with a neighbor, expecting everything to be normal. I soon observe that nothing would ever be normal again.

As we slowly inched into the bread and butter room, a staggering sight met our eyes. There, lying facedown on a couch, was my father, ashen-faced and trembling. His head was completely bald, and his grisly figure appeared enervated. He was gasping for air, and and so suddenly, he grabbed a blue pan, plunged his face into it, and vomited with such transport that I shivered. Only then did I fully ensure what it meant for my dad to view cancer. At seven years old, I confronted the horrors of cancer in my living room, and realized for the first epoch that my father was fight to survive. Catching me out of the corner of his eye, he raised his head from the blue pan and uttered a weak, Hello, only to vomit again--this time missing the pan. My neighbor dictum my face, put his hand on my shoulder, and whispered, Let your dad rest--he has been fighting brave and hard.

My dad, my hero. The source of my love and guidance was straightaway battling for his life. later the doctors detected the colon cancer in 1987, the tumor became to a greater extent and more malignant, and the effects on my family were more and more severe. A long series of debilitating surgeries and chemotherapy treatments consumed my fathers life, and by extension, enveloped my entire family. My mother, now a de facto nurse and breadwinner, spent her time and energy, not to put forward large...

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What an absolutely fantastic essay.

You highlight the terrible impact of cancer, moreover you have managed to show us that there is hope, even in such a situation as you and your family faced.


Without being likewise sentimental (a difficult task in this situation) you have managed to encourages the referee to empathise with your situation. I certainly hope that your father continues to have a healthy life and that you both continue to make love life with the determination and positive approach that you have displayed through this essay.


Great work - very well done!

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