Maternal Desire: On Love, Children, and the Inner Life by Daphne de Marneffe is one of the most moving and eloquent books I view ever read. It is based on a simple premise, that is to say that the desire to care for ones children is one of lifes great pleasures and opportunities for fulfill handst. In creating a relationship, and, by extension, a psychological life, suggests de Marneffe, women find particular and decisive meaning and authenticity. Grounded in psychoanalytic, attachment, and feminist theory as hearty as de Marneffes own personal journey, Maternal Desire is a subtle rebuke to feminists inherent derogation of motherhood and a far less subtle encouragement to women to open themselves to feelings that, in this day and age, may seem heretical. De Marneffe is never polemical or doctrinaire; indeed, one of her many strengths as a author is her capacity to embrace and describe complexity, in particular, the complexity of managing competing desires, specifically work and the desire to mother. Many women pauperization to care for their children and loss to work. These are not simply external expectations: They are genuinely and compelling internal experiences.
One of the great conundrums of modern life, she suggests, is that women, having worked so hard to achieve some measure of equality with men in their work lives, find themselves, once they are mothers, bust in ways that would never have anticipated: They want to nurture and take care of their children. Doing so is not, to be sure, unstained bliss, for de Marneffe keenly observes the tedium and repetition that are inherent in caring for children. This, too, is part of the fabric of parenthood.
De Marneffe, who is a clinical psychologist and mother of three, was powerfully affected by the experience of struggling to proportion the demands of her own career...
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